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Should Finding Who You Want Be With Get Easier As You Age?

There’s a large contingent of folks out there who are in their mid to late 20’s and are fed up with dating. We can cite social media, “hook-up culture,” and even patriarchal ideals as to why many are frustrated. The longer short of things (funny phrase when you think about it) is that those issues aren’t going away any time soon. Having said that, the only thing left to do is adapt or ignore those points and keep on looking.

I think as you get older, the kind of person you want to be with should become clearer and clearer. This is independent of the fact that you are or aren’t single. In order for anyone to get to that point, a lot of introspection has to be involved. That’ll also be coupled with you learning from failed partners of your past.

On the road to being in the relationship you’ve been waiting on, you’re going to have to make distinctions. There will be old flames that I’m sure you’ll have to figure if they still stay around in your life or not. You may have to make a decision once and for all if you would want to pursue anything further with them if only for your own conscience. When prospects begin to become clearer, all you will be left with is decisions.

It’s at this point that all your thoughts and desires have to be put into action.

Speaking as a man, there’s many times we’re presented with what we asked for and then we get cold feet. I’ve experienced in getting older that there is no way around that feeling of getting cold feet. The bottom line is that you just have to do the damn thing if you really want to. The choices get clearer as you get older.

It’s also important to note that if you don’t seize certain opportunities when they’re available, they may never come back. I know for a fact when I was younger I experienced something similar to that but it’s a different beast when you’re older.

These decisions about who you want to be with always hold a bit more weight because of where you are in your life at this point. It tickles me at no end when I see people 19, 20, 21 or 22 years old tweeting “I’m tired of all the games!” I always find myself saying, damn you know you have a little more of a ways to go right? Once you’re a little older, then for sure it’s time for the games to stop. We all need the games though. We need the lessons.

Without lessons, you gain no clarity.

When you finally figure out the kind of relationship you want and the type of person, it’s liberating. Ironically enough, when you reach that point, you may go on a long stretch of not entertaining anyone. At this point you know who is worth your time and who isn’t. This is the period to find someone that serves you as you’d mutually serve them. I think they call that being mutually beneficial. Those types of unions are productive; they matter.

This is the classic case of working smarter and not harder.

If finding out what your type really is at this point is still an issue, I suggest spending more time with you. Spend more time with your thoughts. Spend more time being honest with yourself. Try to improve what you think needs tuning up. Lastly, practice patience. These things run on no one’s time but your own. Take your time and enjoy the freedom that comes with knowing what you want. There’s a calmness that comes with it that many won’t get. But that’s none of their business right?

These are my words and I make no apologies.

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About DamnPOPS

Pops is a staff writer currently at Brooklyn Buttah that's hoping to bring material that people can connect with. If it's a touchy subject, expect him to speak on it. You may have seen him featured on sites such as Single Black Male and Madame Noire. This Brooklynite has a passion to captivate people with words. Roll with him on this trip.

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