I had one of the most entertaining conversations recently with someone. He spoke about an ex hitting him up since she was in the area of his job. This ex is a woman who he has dealt with extensively for years. Their history together is well documented. She represents what I like to call in dating, a “prominent figure.”
I believe we all meet and date a couple of prominent figures.
I have mine and I’m sure you have yours. Nevertheless, he went on to explain that he tries to keep his space from her since he is in a relationship. He wants to stay focused and he also doesn’t want to be tempted. Seeing her on this given day did exactly what he had been trying to avoid. He was tempted. More than likely it was due to the energy they both still share for one another. He explained it as just the strongest attraction by just sight of her, or the simplest graze. I had to agree. I’ve felt the same amongst a select few.
Using the strategy or employing the concept of creating space is something I always went back and forth with. I have a friend named Melissa who thinks I have had way too many amicable break ups. I tend to stay friends, or at least remain very cordial with some exes. My relationships with said women do vary. But I do acknowledge that space is sometimes needed with folks you may have felt the closest to. I’d be lying if I said that some exes may still have something over me. It’s also not all sexual, but all of the variables involved can surely add to that desire.
There was one girl that I used to date that fell all the way back.
We hadn’t dated in years, hadn’t been involved in years, but I still valued her friendship. I considered her one of my best friends really. After a while I simply realized when I would text for a birthday, or congratulate on a milestone, I’d get no response. We’d see each other at events and interaction would now be next to nothing. I didn’t understand what was happening. One day she reached out after she read an article I wrote based off of an experience we had together. For those short moments we texted and I politely gave her a piece of my mind. Told her how I felt and told her that if she didn’t want to speak with me anymore she could’ve told me. She agreed, and I asked what the reasoning was, she declined to answer after hesitating initially. The way things turned out there hurt me. I don’t get hurt easily, but I felt like I lost a good friend. I understood her method to her madness, and I respected it.
Initially, I didn’t get it.
I think pretty highly of myself but I didn’t see myself as any sort of a distraction or temptation. After I had the conversation that birthed this article, I began to realize that maybe I am all of the things I thought I wasn’t in her eyes. Maybe she did still desire me. Creating that space probably affords her the peace of mind she needs to ensure that she gets the most out of the current relationship that she’s in.
Being that there is a woman that exists who presents the same sort of dilemma within myself, you’d think I would want to do the same. The scent or touch of her, the sight of her would make me want to “relapse.” The person I had this initial conversation with actually made a joke. This joke sparked this whole article. He said that creating space is like fighting addiction. You try to not be in places where your triggers are.
Also, it should be stated that at some point cutting ties may be necessary albeit not being the most pleasurable thing to do. You discern when the right time is for yourself. Judging from my own experience, if you’re on good terms with a person then just be courteous. Let them know how you been feeling and why it’s time to break things off completely. That’s what’s been on my mind lately. What say you? Am I alone in this or can you guys relate?
There’s really no such thing as sobriety is there?
These are my words and I make no apologies.