For a while now I’ve been wanting to write about knowing which people are logical choices for you to date. Usually when I sit on an idea, I wait for the universe to send me something that allows me to elaborate on my original thought.
This week, a Facebook post by one of my old classmates was that message I was waiting on. In so many words she said:
“Sometimes a chick ain’t curving you (ignoring you), she’s curving herself. A woman knows when’s she worthy of a man and when she’s not. A WOMAN KNOWS. So fellas, when she chooses a man who doesn’t seem to be better/doing better than you, she’s showing you what she feels she’s worthy of. In no way shape or form should you ever take this as a slight against you. She’s merely communicating her worth. And it’s never up to you to value a woman more than she values herself.”
I read that and I saw things through two different lenses.
For one, I thought to myself about women who may have curved themselves with me. I never gave any though as to if they didn’t feel good enough for me. Secondly, I thought about women I decided not to pursue things further with because I didn’t feel established enough to date them.
Let’s talk about the latter scenario first.
I never considered this context of curving yourself. Now that I look in hindsight, there has been several instances where I have done such a thing. This was never due to me doubting the quality of man that I am. I think I’m that cat’s meow if you’re talking to me. However, I can’t be ignorant to other obvious factors. For instance, I’m a writer by night but I work in social services by day. I live in Brooklyn, New York where the rent is too damn high. So I don’t make enough to sustain myself as yet, so I live at home still. Sure, I pay a variety of bills but I haven’t quite reached that level of self sufficiency that others may have.
As it pertains to certain women, they may have it all together.
I say this at least from the outside looking in. They may have another struggle, but they may turn out to be more put together than I am currently. My logic is that that woman deserves someone who can afford her some of the same conveniences she could afford someone. I don’t think that is really asking for a lot. There are women out there who are single, that I admire that I won’t entertain going on a date with because I’m not exactly where I’m striving to be as yet. It’s also not someone’s job to be understanding of that. Everyone is different.
On the other hand, there may have been women in my life that exhibited the behavior illustrated in the Facebook status above. I’ve been on great terms with women who would sometimes go silent off and on. I never thought much about it. I usually just keep things pushing. Maybe they were curving themselves? Who knows.
All in all, I don’t see curving yourself as a bad thing. What I would suggest though is that you communicate with someone that you don’t think you may be right for them. Believe it or not, some people really suck at the simplest forms of communication. Don’t expect folks to just “get it.” It’s a common courtesy is all.
Have your curved yourself before? Do you believe people curve themselves? Let’s get into it, let me know what you think.
These are my words and I make no apologies.