It’s Women’s History Month and here at BrooklynButtah we’re bigging up the ladies even more than we usually do. I wanted to talk today about male pride, specifically regarding the confines of the bedroom. I’m an avid watcher of the show Being Mary Jane on BET.
The appeal of that show to me goes far beyond the velvety chocolate complexion of Gabrielle Union. The show’s staying power can be attributed to the writing, and additionally, the content matter.
Being Mary Jane touches on topics that are many times glossed over in content that we all consume daily through media. This show sparks conversation and gives a guy like me something to do during his free time.
This season there was an episode that touched on a subject that far too many women are familiar with, unfortunately. Kara is one of the supporting characters on the show and she got involved with a professional baseball player who was beginning his transition into retirement.
I wanted to put into context the guy’s profession to highlight his competitive nature.
During this episode, Kara began realizing a pattern. She realized that when she would have sex with this guy, he didn’t really pay attention to what she needed in that moment. He didn’t read her body language, he didn’t communicate with her during.
As a matter of fact, it seemed that he thought the faster he stroked the better it was all supposed to be. The scenes made conveyed these moments as if this guy was in some sort of competition with himself to thrust as hard and as fast as he could. He was doing all of this without ever giving a second thought to maybe letting Kara catch her breath for a moment.
He paid no attention to detail.
I know that the ladies reading this have come across this scenario more times than they care to admit.
When Kara confronted the guy on what was lacking in his performance, he became defensive and shut down. I think as men, our pride can be so sensitive at times. We take so much pride in our sexual performances…well at least we should. The truth is, guys care about how they perform mainly with the women they care to please. Some of these guys have the best intentions but have never dealt with a vocal enough woman to be able to take constructive pointers.
Furthermore, not enough men are welcoming to the idea that women can know their bodies and know what they like. They don’t want to think that a woman has had her experiences whether minimal or vast. They’re quite comfortable thinking that what they’re slinging has just gots to be the cat’s meow.
I can’t be beyond the realm of comprehension that you may have to tweak how you perform depending on the woman you’re with. Everyone likes different things. Think about yourself, as a man, you have your favorite things you want a woman to do. When the times come for things to go down, it can’t be a given that every woman has experience with what you like. Of course, we would all hope so, but it isn’t realistic.
This silly machismo we have as men gets in the way of our growth.
It creates a schism with our significant others in a very unique way. We need to embrace learning the folks we decide to sleep with. The fun part is in figuring it out. Once you nail it, maybe it’l feed that competitive side of you that just wants to get something right.
What was glaring to me in this episode of Being Mary Jane was that you could assume that the characters in question are in their late 30’s and early 40’s. So you can also surmise that people in those age groups still deal with this in real life. That isn’t too encouraging is it? I for one would hate to end up at that age and not have the sense to take a partner’s wants and needs under my consideration. These are conversations that are necessary.
Women should be encouraged to be vocal in the bedroom.
Women should continue to be unapologetic about what it is that they need in the bedroom. They should get the pleasure they desire. We as men have to be mindful of one tidbit. A woman letting us know what she likes means that she cares enough about us to let us know. Also, it means that she wants you to get it right. So rather than become defensive, embrace the teaching moment. She isn’t looking at you any less. She actually believes that you can deliver.
So get over yourself and get it in.
What are your experiences dealing with men that won’t listen in bed? Fellas, has a woman ever told you about some things that you could do better? Let’s get into it.
These are my words and I make no apologies.