Insecure has taken over.
It’s safe to say that Issa Rae has struck gold and has created a piece of work that all urban millennials can sink their teeth into. Last week’s Insecure finale has created a dichotomy. It seems you’re either #TeamLawrence or #TeamIssa. With that, you all have read a whole slew of different pieces that make their case for each side. Well of course to no one’s surprise, I am going a different direction.
If you’re reading this, it isn’t too late, and if you’re reading this, you probably watch the show. When Daniel is finally introduced and Issa cheats with him, she thereafter refers to him as a “what if” guy. She explained in a conversation with Molly, that Daniel was a guy she always wondered if things would ever work out had they took things further. It should be noted that in their prior dealings, Issa and Daniel were in the notorious (grammatical pause) “situationship.”
The season culminated in what was just a splendid scene including a naked Nubian Bank Teller. Lawrence who was Issa’s current boyfriend had learned of the infidelity and broke up with her because of it. He let out some frustration by sleeping with the Bank Teller that had been eyeing him for some time. I realized that ever since Issa slept with the “what if” guy, the show really picked up steam. The addition of this man had a profound impact on how everything played out.
I began to wonder how relevant “what if” guys are in real life.
I was able to get some assistance from four young ladies on the subject. Stephanie, Katrina, M.E., and Tass provided me with some real cool insight I wanted to share. Check it out.
Do you or have you had experience with a “what if” guy?
Tass: Yes, a few years back there was a guy who was a friend initially. In time things progressed into something more and eventually that relationship ended. There was a period of time after which that I did wonder “what if?”
M.E.: Yes, I have one.
What qualities did/does he possess that continues to keep him relevant?
Tass: He had your typical qualities. He was good looking, cultured, creative, just a solid guy.
M.E.: He’s handsome, has a great career, and always says the right things despite how long it’s been since we spoke.
Stephanie: I stayed in touch with him because he was a good person and showed genuine friendship. He wasn’t only about trying to get with me, more like trying to get to know me on a personal level which seemed rare at the time.
Katrina: In my experience my “what if” guys have been a bit more attractive and they have seemed to have their lives together. They seemed to at least have a plan. Those are the kind of vibes any girl would want. Just a guy that isn’t always making excuses for why things aren’t happening.
Do you think a “what if” guy still has a realistic chance with you?
Tass: Not anymore. At that time there may have been a chance, but I think these things sometimes has something to do with age and experiences had at that point.
M.E.: No, our ship has sailed and it was a missed opportunity.
Stephanie: Yes. You don’t want to go through life with that what if. But that’s my thought on it, don’t knock it till you try it. Of course this is unless you have a valid reason, sometimes the timing just isn’t right.
Katrina: Yeah, under certain circumstances.
Do you think it is okay to keep a “what if” guy around while in a relationship? If so, why?
Tass: When I did get into a new relationship, I spoke to my “what if” guy here and there. I thought it was fine because it was harmless and it wasn’t often at all.
M.E.: Well I did. When my next man pissed me off he was a great buffer to speak to, but that’s all it was; just conversations.
Stephanie: I think those kinds of people sticking around is a natural thing. We can’t control our physical and sentimental emotions sometimes.
Katrina: It’s harmless…unless we went on a date during that time, then not so harmless.
It’s obvious that “what if” guys are a real thing. It should be noted though that there were some ladies I spoke with that didn’t have that experience. What I realized after interviewing these ladies is that sometimes the stars have to be aligned for things to pop off. Much like in the show, Daniel came along at a time where Issa was vulnerable in one way or another.
If you are a guy in a position that Daniel was in then you might have some hope after all. To the other fellas with girlfriends, be aware that there are guys prior to you that have also had a profound impact on her life. It would behoove you to stay on top of your game so that the Daniel in her life stands no chance. I know I seem to be a contrarian as a proud member of the #Lawrencehive, but the truth is the truth. Have a great weekend y’all.
These are my words and I make no apologies.